Dizzy Lessons

If I am only going to post once a year, this had better be a good one.

Chris has inspired me by starting his own blog for his gardening adventures and then I felt like a loser because I am supposed to be the writer in the family. (Charlotte may share that distinction someday- she loves to tell stories and has many pens and notebooks.)

I have been suffering from dizziness. Vertigo. For coming up on 3 weeks now. I like to think that every physical manifestation of dis-ease exists as a message from my self. Like when I had shingles in December- I think I was totally running constantly from one event to another and working like crazy and staying up too late making plans for things I could never follow through on. My body, though not in the most healthy space over the last 12 months, has been an excellent teacher. I am learning to listen to the whispers instead of waiting for the yells to get what I am supposed to get.

So. Why am I dizzy? The sensation is like not being sure where my feet are. Last Monday, during a session which I should have cancelled but didn't, I had to take my sandals off and put my feet on the rug so I could get a better sense of where I was in space. I was in the chair I have been sitting in for almost 5 years yet I didn't know it with all of my being. If anyone besides Chris read these posts maybe they would be able to give me some cool metaphorical explanations for my ailment. I think, though, that Chris has been too busy being both of us to do any meaning-making.

Where else in my life am I feeling like I can't find my footing? I am deliciously IN my marriage in ways I never knew I could be. I am in Mama-hood with all of me. I am curious and I am waiting to find out what I need to take from this experience.

Significant moments so far: ending a session early for the first time (and surviving it), taking it really easy at home- letting the dog hair swirl, admitting right here to having watched The Two Coreys on A&E, eating half an apple pie by myself the first night I was on the Prednisone, and my favorite moment of all: playing really slow games with the kids. Last week we played "adventure", hiking upstairs to see the giraffes and meteorites and we sat on the futon and shared an apple from one of Charlotte' s many bags. That was my favorite moment of all.

So I am waiting for this to end and for me to come out of it with something new. I am also working really hard to realize that these glimpses into disability are opportunities for me to learn to drink up the stuff of my life that I usually run past in my effort to do the things that I have myself convinced I need to do.
Maybe that's what I am supposed to get.
More being- less doing.
More adventure- less purpose.
Slow down.
Yes.